i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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