Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
