So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
