She is in my trunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's shark week go big or go home
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
