This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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