apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
