my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
