My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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