Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
