sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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