She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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