i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
