A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
