It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
