he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
