dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
