You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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