the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
