Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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