Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
