You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
