At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
