forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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