Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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