he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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