hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
