You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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