I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
