He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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