i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
