Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
