My brain says no but my pants say off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
