Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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