College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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