i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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