I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
