the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
