I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
