I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
