when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
