for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
