i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
