Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
