I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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