it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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