I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
