I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I lost the right to judge tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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