if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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