There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
