hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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