my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
