Umm I'm too high to move.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's paint friendship bongs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
