PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
