im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
