my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
