Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
